Bears, Dogs, and Trust

"For humans and other animals, play is a universal training course and language of trust. The belief that one is safe with another being or in any situation is formed over time during regular play. Trust is the basis of intimacy, cooperation, creativity, successful work, and more."

I was reading this article about a polar bear and a husky playing, and it made me think about trust. Those of you who have lived with an addict know that the violations of your trust hurt like nothing else. That pain comes back, again and again and again. I'll think I'm done with a lie he's told, some money he's taken, some incident in the endless incidents where my trust in him was violated, and then, there is it is again, cutting me from the inside out.

The polar bear and the husky made me think, though, about how we build trust back, and the different kinds of trust that we can establish in a relationship. I do not trust that my husband won't lie to me, won't steal from me. He's an addict. Addicts lie and steal. He's in early recovery, and he's doing his best, and I trust that he's doing his best...but I don't trust HIM.

However, I like this idea of play as a way of developing trust, intimacy, creativity. It makes sense and feels true, and it's something that we're good at. No day passes without laughter, lots of laughter, in our home. We play together, a lot. We're sexually playful and playfully playful and giggly and silly and rambunctious and fun together. We're also good at being creative together, taking on fun projects together, making stuff, or sitting beside each other while we each make our own stuff. I'd always thought of this shared passion and the fun we have as a rich resource in our relationship, but I'd never thought of our fun as a way of building trust.

So thank you, dogs and bears, for that little lesson. Soon, it's time to go home, and I'm going to tackle Mr. Junky on the bed and tickle him until he cries.

Cuntface is Closed.

Bitches, it's harder to get in there than Harvard. Shit's locked tighter than a virgin's daughter. I don't even know if I can get in anymore.

Fun With Google.

I love playing with my Analytics. Analytics stalking has allowed me to delete my personal Myspace account. I only use the one attached to this site and the one I use for work now, which cuts down on my morning email routine significantly. But looking at who is looking at me on Google Analytics can make me a little paranoid, a little delusional, and a little wee bit crazy.

But the very best part of playing with Google and Sitemeter is not just feeling very important...it's the search strings. Here's the latest gems:

"I Hate My Husband" and "Hate Husband" are still very popular, and they still lead you to me rather frequently...so frequently, in fact, that I had to Google it myself. I am only on the third page of the search, so folks must REALLY HATE their husbands to ride the Google train all the way to page 3. They also tend to linger on the site, with an average of 12 minutes.

"Google my love" has brought me 4 hits. I do love Google. I do. I also find the phrase to be rather poetic and inspiring: Google, my love, the blood inside my veins (Except for that first foot, that's an iambic line. I think I'm suddenly composing a sonnet...help me, Question! You like Google poems!).

I also thought that the two phrases, "heroin ruined" and "If you asked me why I love him," were very nice.

"Steve Wilcos" has brought me 3 hits since this weekend's post, but those three hits have stayed for an average of 17 minutes. Crazies like to read my crazy, apparently.

I'm glad that the "addiction to sleep" query person found me and spent 3 minutes here. I think that whoever it is in this querier's life that is "addicted to sleep" is probably nodding off from all the black tar heroin he's shooting up.

Then, there's the sex addicts. Here's the list:

"I'm a man and look for a fuck wife."
"octopus woman fantasy"
"large tits"
"wife addicted for lovers cum" (Stayed for 11 minutes!)

And then the junkies looking for a good lie or a good connect or a good time. And also their wives looking for The Answer. Sorry for the buzzkill, guys!

"heroin addict smell"
"fun heroin website"
"heroin addict hide addiction"
"heroin Pennsylvania"
"heroin in my purse"
"heroin fantasy"
"heroin sex?"
"how to talk to a recovering heroin addict"
"i'm not a junky"
"secret places to shoot heroin"
"the pain of a heroin addict's girlfriend"

Now wasn't that fun?