Monday, September 17, 2007

New Anxiety.

He called and asked if I want to go to a meeting tonight. It's not our normal night. His voice sounded quavery.

"Is everything ok?"

"Yeah. Will you just look online and see if there's a meeting tonight I can go to?"

I found one. It's not very far away. That he wants to go to a meeting when it's not our normal day makes me panic.

And that's crazy. I should want him to go to a meeting, especially if his voice sounds quavery. I should be ecstatic that he's seeking help from an appropriate place, that he's looking for strength and wisdom and tools to help him get through a time that might be scary. I go to a meeting when I'm having a scary time or a difficult time. It's what it's for.

Instead, though, I'm scared. I'm anxious and nervous and suddenly, kind of a wreck.


Recovery Discovery said...

This is a good place to put those feelings. You're right, that's what meetings are for. But when you're having a scary or difficult time, you know exactly what you're dealing with b/c it's YOUR hard time. Dealing with someone else's hard time is harder. You've got the tools though, and you'll get through. A wise woman recently reminded me, "don't be alone, use the phone." Love ya!!

Wayward Son said...

I was going to say your not a wreck, your just informed about a solution which means your also, perhaps unexpectedly, informed about a problem. But you probably already know that by now cause it's 7:30 your time and he's at his meeting.

UrbanThought said...

If he didn't seek out a meeting to go to and didn't express his thoughts on the need then that would be a bigger situation.

I would question it too. Not knowing what could have sparked such a need/want at a time when it isn't usual. Is it because it is out of the normal routine that has you worried so?

Turn your worry around and into positive thoughts and all else will fall into place.

Wishing you well, always.

longvowels said...

Meeting are good darlin'.He needs to move towards doing these things and becoming self-reliant
Try not to make him feel weird about it.

Mary P Jones (MPJ) said...

I know this feeling -- and I think I was writing that week-old perpetually half-finished post about it -- the crazy feeling of panic that comes with anything out of the ordinary, any change, because we've learned that change in routine means using, drinking, acting out, active addiction...