Bug.

I don't know why I love you so much. I hardly even know you. Seems like all we ever talk about is bugs...I guess I’d rather talk to you about bugs than talk to nobody about nothing.

Oooh! Everybody's got to rent Bug right now! The main character is a stark raving insane codependent. It's one of the most striking movies I've seen in a long time.

The freaked-out veteran is pretty cool to watch manifest all his insanity, but nothing is as good as Ashley Judd's character. Before taking on her lover, she was kind of lonely and kind of scared, but she jumps right on his crazy train.

A few folks have told me that they were reminded of me and my husband by various aspect of the characters and the setting and their relationship. The movie isn't scary, but fuck if that part of it wasn't...looking at these folks acting out their mad dance as emblematic of my own relationship.

And yeah, he probably could convince me to line the walls with tin foil.

New Anxiety.

He called and asked if I want to go to a meeting tonight. It's not our normal night. His voice sounded quavery.

"Is everything ok?"

"Yeah. Will you just look online and see if there's a meeting tonight I can go to?"

I found one. It's not very far away. That he wants to go to a meeting when it's not our normal day makes me panic.

And that's crazy. I should want him to go to a meeting, especially if his voice sounds quavery. I should be ecstatic that he's seeking help from an appropriate place, that he's looking for strength and wisdom and tools to help him get through a time that might be scary. I go to a meeting when I'm having a scary time or a difficult time. It's what it's for.

Instead, though, I'm scared. I'm anxious and nervous and suddenly, kind of a wreck.