I could say a lot of things about life today...I could write about the Stray showing up, or I could write about the funeral. I could write about how I'm unhappy with our relationship, with how things are getting better at such a horribly slow pace, at how he doesn't appreciate how fantastically I have handled his godawful behavior. I could write about Mr. Junky's great big pity party that he had this morning and how I told him he needed to think about all the things that he should be grateful for. Instead, I'll write about all the things that I have to be grateful for.
1. I am so grateful that we have another day together, and that we've got tomorrow to look forward to.
2. I'm grateful for my wonderful friends, both electronic and real.
3. I'm grateful that Long Vowels is coming over next week! And that I might get to see Question Air! Woohoo!
4. I'm grateful for the things he whispered to me before I left for the funeral.
5. I'm glad to have had cabbage for dinner. I love cabbage.
6. I'm grateful that my job is still awesome, and my coworkers are funny and smart and kind people that I look forward to seeing every day.
7. There's a meeting tomorrow, and I look forward to it as much as I look forward to anything in my life. We're going out for coffee afterwards. I think it will be fun.
(My husband asked me if he should come. I said, "No," but I wonder if I should have said, "Yes." Maybe he could make friends with folks in recovery? Maybe I shouldn't plan schemes to get his dumb ass in meetings? Maybe if he makes any kind of move to participate in N.A. in any way, even to skip the meeting to come out for coffee afterwards, I should encourage it? Maybe it's not my bucket of shit? Chloe, maybe we can arrange a play date?! They don't like the same drugs, anyway, so it wouldn't even be scary!)
8. I'm grateful that lots and lots of folks showed up for my friend's wife's funeral. It was a lovely service, and I'm glad I went and was able to give him a big hug.
9. I'm grateful for the great big bad pit bull that won't stop stomping on my back while I lie here typing. Especially, I am grateful for her silly feet.
10. I'm glad that the life I have, even with all its mess and burdens and complications, is the life I've chosen...from bottom to top, this is my world, my construction.
11. I'm glad that I'm healthy and pretty and smart.
12. I'm glad that the bed is big, but not too big.
13. I'm so looking forward to when he comes to bed with me and we hold each other close.
14. I'm lucky to have a good family.
15. There are children in my life that are beautiful and give me something to look forward to.
16. I own a very cool home.
17. I like the color of my hair.
18. I like the color of my husband's hair, and also the way it smells, and the way it feels in my hands.
19. I'm glad I'm a good writer, and I'm glad my husband is a wonderful artist. I'm glad we can be creative together.
20. I'm glad that this year, I've managed to make my entire living off of writing.
21. I'm grateful and proud that I've been able to support myself, pay my mortgage, and take care of things while he's been out of work.
22. I'm glad that I'm still growing, learning, and surviving through one of the hardest times I've ever known.