Tuesday, February 5, 2008

Home Alone!

Everything you need you already have. You are complete right now, you are a whole, total person, not an apprentice person on the way to someplace else. Your completeness must be understood by you and experienced in your thoughts as your own personal reality.

-Beverly Sills

"I'm going to stay at my parents' tonight...I gotta pay a bill out here, and I thought I'd hang out with them and have dinner and maybe go to a meeting with my mom," he says, sort of apologetically.


"So I'll see you tomorrow?"



I was so excited to get home tonight and have the whole entire house to myself for the whole entire night. I was so exuberant that I made a list of a thousand plans that I'll never be able to keep. I'd hoped to talk to all my friends on the phone and make a big salad for dinner and walk the dogs and practice my headstand and take an hours long bath and clean and do all kinds of things...but there's not enough time, and I'm tired...

But it's still so nice to have some time just for me! It's meeting night, and I skipped the meeting to be able to indulge myself even more.

There was a time when I hated to spend a night away from my husband. I'd whine if he spent the night with his parents. Sometimes I'd even drive out after I got off work to be able to sleep next to him. It's a little sad not to have that tremulous, urgent feeling...but I am pleased with what has replaced it.

It's me, being enough for me. It's me excited about my own dinner, my own book to read, my own interests. I love him, and I'll be glad to see him tomorrow...but I love me, too, in all my completeness, and I've got a date with myself tonight!