Thursday, February 7, 2008


"I wish I could stay home with you all day and be just like this..."

"Can you leave me your computer?"


"I don't know if I'm going to be able to buy my methadone, so I was wondering..."

"I wish I could stay home with someone who looks like you all day..."

I left quickly after this conversation, no longer interested in lingering. I miss those mornings, though, when it felt like I could stay in his arms forever.

I am so quick to flee the scene of his neediness, his inability to fulfill his own needs. It's just too sad to watch someone I love struggling so much, and it's too hard to say no. It's better for me to clear the area.

I was excited to see him yesterday after I got home from work. I'd had a good, long day full of all kinds of stuff, from a great yoga class to a challenging day at work...I'd had such a nice time spending the previous evening by myself, but I was ready to see him, to tell him about my day. I was expecting to meet the man who'd left the night before...but instead his addict was there. Sulky and withdrawn, but needy. Sullen, petulant, moody, self-absorbed...

It's ok. I know how to deal with this person, but I do miss the other half of him. I wish he could see how wonderful he is to me...I wish he could see what a treasure he has in himself.