
"Can you leave me your computer?"
"No."
"I don't know if I'm going to be able to buy my methadone, so I was wondering..."
"I wish I could stay home with someone who looks like you all day..."
I left quickly after this conversation, no longer interested in lingering. I miss those mornings, though, when it felt like I could stay in his arms forever.
I am so quick to flee the scene of his neediness, his inability to fulfill his own needs. It's just too sad to watch someone I love struggling so much, and it's too hard to say no. It's better for me to clear the area.
I was excited to see him yesterday after I got home from work. I'd had a good, long day full of all kinds of stuff, from a great yoga class to a challenging day at work...I'd had such a nice time spending the previous evening by myself, but I was ready to see him, to tell him about my day. I was expecting to meet the man who'd left the night before...but instead his addict was there. Sulky and withdrawn, but needy. Sullen, petulant, moody, self-absorbed...
It's ok. I know how to deal with this person, but I do miss the other half of him. I wish he could see how wonderful he is to me...I wish he could see what a treasure he has in himself.