Saturday, October 13, 2007

God Of My Understanding.

Sometimes, when we fuck, I think about how you're my wife, and what we're doing is something that god made.

Tonight, I'm finishing up my homework for Step 3. Wait: tonight, I'm starting my homework for Step 3. I gotta figure out what god is, give my life to that person, place, or thing, and render some writing about it fit to show folks at tomorrow's meeting. And I'm a nerdy, vicious kind of codie, so I WILL have it done, and all of it, and done well. I'm crazy like that.

But in between trying to solve god, my lovely husband reminded me of the first place where I found an adult understanding of what god means to me. When I'm feeling close to someone, connected in a way that's bigger than each of us alone, I start to feel my heart opening a chink wider to something spiritual.

On the way to work this morning, we were talking about how we'd both had weird, restless dreams, and strangely, we'd both dreamed about the same people...really for no reason, as we'd not been talking or thinking about these people. And then tonight, he interrupts my struggle to wrestle god into submission with his lovely hands and neck and mouth, and he whispers beautiful things to me, reminding me that it isn't always so goddamned complicated. Or it is, it is entirely complicated, but also basic, simple, clear, and raw.

Sometimes, I can just look right in front of me, and I'll remember that god's there, god's here, god's everything and everyone and so ready to give me warmth and sweetness if I can just stop struggling long enough to see.

8 comments:

ScOuT said...

You are fabulous!

(pure) Madness

Mary P Jones (MPJ) said...

Beautiful. And just what I needed to be reminded of today.

Wayward Son said...

For me, God, Higher Power, Source Self, All That Is... whatever one might call it, is not a matter of something I need to define or understand. If I just believe that It is everywhere then all I need to do is to learn how to see it everywhere and in everything. This includes in me, in you and everything in between for It is all there is. And it is perfect.

Sometimes, though, the situation is not so perfect which I believe means I'm not seeing It at that moment.

I know I am talking in circles about a very simple concept that really is not so difficult to understand. Hence the confusion. I should just quit talking and start seeing.

clyde said...

the first step in understanding god is to spell it with a capital g ... God.

Mantramine said...

Clyde... you silly billy. Capitols are for places, people, and things

- of which god is not certain to be any;)

You go JW

clyde said...

mantra, darling, i consider God to be a discrete entity - although you are correct in that He may not be classified as a person, place, or thing. but isn't that a noun? can we not use a capital to denote honor, or to suggest a specific entity, like a name which just so happens to also be a common noun? there are, afterall, many competing gods through history. my point, my darling sculpturor, is that, for me, the first step to understanding God is to remove this entity from a common designation, and thereby begin to give Him a shape, a form, a physical presence in my life. i then can learn and attribute to Him qualities. i am not making those up out of convenience - i am searching the Bible to understand. in the end result, yes, i have imbued quite a human form upon God - but i can't relate to a cloud, i don't feel responsible to an ethereal mist. know what i mean, mantra of mine?

A Bishops wife said...

Have you ever read the Bible? I am not being rude, just curious.

God made love making. God made marrige. It is a good thing you and your husband love each other.

You know, you are off on this thought at all. God is simple and in our deepest of hearts, somewhat complex.

The Bible has many wonderful love storys. The "Song of soloman" is often over looked by conservitive churches because it is so erotic. But it should not be so. It is a beautiful book written by a man very much in love.

What you have written is a good thing. You will find God where you are at or he will find you! If you have not found each other already.

thejunkyswife said...

It's good you've found your God, Clyde. Mine is more of that ethereal mist kind...and that disembodied thing isn't interested in capitalization.

Just so you folks know, all further debate in these comments is stopping...looks like it's going in a direction that my god isn't interested in having me go.

Love you guys!