Tuesday, September 18, 2007

Walking My Doggy.

Walking the dog is making my life better. I am not sure why or how or what the connection is, but I've found that taking my stinky old doggy out on the leash for 20 quiet minutes is making me sane.

Thank dog, I'm finally fixed.

She's such fun to walk. She sniffs all around and barks. I talk to myself and to her. I laugh at her and she looks up at me as if I'm the greatest thing, ever.

I feel bad for his dog, though. He gets left at home, whining. I don't want to walk his dog, since his dog is his dog...but it's not fair for the poor animal to have to stay home when his sister is going out on adventures. Poor fellow.

There's all these dead animals. There's a dead squirrel, flattened and with one stiff arm. There's a dead bird, small and gray. There was a very distressing dead pit bull on the main street, but someone got it up. It was a beauty, brown and with a huge head. It must have been somebody's baby.

He wanted to come with me this morning when I walked her, and it made me panic. I told him I was going for a run with her, and he said ok. I like the idea of walking the dogs together, especially as it will alleviate my guilt for his dog not getting walked...but I need it privately, too. It's becoming sacred god-dog meditation and prayer and reflection on mortality by observing roadkill time for me, and I can't have him all up in my bidness like that.

He followed me all around the house last night, like a hunter, stalking my serenity. I was so sane, and it drove him nuts. He really, really seemed to NEED for me to scold him, bother him, nurse him, all together in that way I'm so good at doing. I know he felt awful, but I just can't spend any more of my life taking care of him because he put some godawful combination of substances in his body. I've done my time, and I'm done.

A wise woman at a meeting said recently that her husband's addiction had taken nearly a year of her life from her, and she wasn't going to let it have another day. I like that...not one more day.

14 comments:

longvowels said...

You gotta do you, boo.

Madness (JAA) said...

Not one more day. I'm gonna hold you to that, J.
Peace,
Scout

Recovery Discovery said...

You know what? You've set some really tough boundaries in the past. It's ok to set another one and tell him you need your own doggie time. (Geez, look how easy this is when it's not me. Feel free to shut me up or slap me silly!!)

Wayward Son said...

Most of my friends think I walk the dogs at the SPCA and teh SFACC because i have a dog fetish. But really it is because taking 4 LONG walks a day my friend's dog in Sacramento right after I quit using saved my life.

Walking together is good, though. But maybe in the evenings and not in the mornings when your dog is walking you.

sKILLz said...

I love walking my doggies. Sometimes I walk them for hours at a time. It gives me time to think and dont worry i talk to them as well.
I love the fact that all they want is ti please you. you can come home broke, stinky, crying, or whatever and all they want to do is love you. What the fuck is better than that?!

ej. said...

I just love you. Thanks for being my friend.

Mary P Jones (MPJ) said...

Yay, you. You're sounding so much better. Thank Dog!

DirtyBitchSociety said...

"...like a hunter, stalking my serenity."

I loved that, damn!

Area Woman said...

I am convinced that dogs are magical creatures.

CindyB1 said...

Could you take turns and walk yours one day and his the next. I feel sorry for the one left behind. They don't understand, they just feel. A lot of the time I like dogs better than people. Much more honest.

Stagnant Artist said...

My dog is the best. He knows when i am sad or sick. He cuddles up with me and makes me feel better. He doesn't blab my secrets to anyone. He is the best listener and his fur catches my tears. He is happy to see me no matter how bad my day/life has been. he gives me these eyes that just say- Mom, i love you and you are the best. I cry sometimes when i look at my dog cause i know he is the most important thing i have in my life and that i wonder what i had done without him. No wonder they say animals extend your life.

thejunkyswife said...

Oh, never fear, folks...his dog gets plenty of special attention, too. He gets lots of time outside with his Daddy in the back yard, and he sometimes gets to go to Grandma's house when my dog has to stay home. His dog doesn't have to go in the crate, and my dog does...their privileges are pretty evenly divided, and pretty well-suited to their needs. My doggy needs the walking time as much as I need it...she's a handful, and she doesn't like chasing balls.

longvowels said...

He has to learn that you aren't going to do that silly bitch thing of doing EVERY fucking thing for him. He has responsibilities and he should take care of them. like walking his dog. Not to mention, you also have, like, 50 acres of land behind your house, so there's plenty of room for doggy to run around.

laurie said...

Yes! Dog walks are the best kind of therapy. I have often said that my dogs have saved my life - getting me out of the house and moving when I might otherwise not. Exercise and those endorphins (not to mention the kind of free-flowing meditation) are the best kind of therapy. And they're free!
And I bet some of your dog's behavioural issues improve now that she's getting more exercise...
And once again, I need to say that you are a beautiful writer.