Saturday, September 22, 2007

NO.

ARRR! WhereĆ¢��s me grog, wench?

Oh I say, and I say it again! You been took! You been hoodwinked! Bamboozled! Led astray! Run amok! This is what he does!
-Malcolm X


I've been bamboozled. I woke up, and realized it, and now I'm pissed and can't get unbamboozled.

Damn my man. Damn The Man.

He went to bed last night at 9, saying he has to start going to bed earlier because his new job requires him to be up at 6. I stayed up until 1 and then went to sleep. He woke me up from my dead sleep, and he asked if I had any sleeping pills left. I told him I only had a few, and he said he couldn't sleep. I got up and gave him one.

When I first wake up, I have absolutely no defenses. If he asked, I'd probably just hand over my check card like I used to when I was still stupid. I felt bad for him. I've struggled with insomnia for many years (which explains my prescription)...so I have shared my pills with him before. However, in my current health-insuranceless, broke-ass state, each pill is precious, so I was reluctant, but I did it anyway.

When I went to lie back down, I looked at the clock and noticed that it's nearly 7 a.m. I got so mad, I kind of wanted to put the pillow over his head and hold him until he was still. Why the fuck is he taking one of my precious sleeping pills after sleeping 10 hours? Why am I so stupid as to give him one? Why am I sitting upstairs hating him while he's downstairs sleeping soundly?

See, not only are my defenses down when I first wake up regarding giving him the dumb shit he asks of me, but I also react really badly. When I realized what he'd just done, I got pissed and said things I shouldn't have. "Why can't you ever just take 'no' for an answer? Why are you such a world-class fuck up? What the fuck are you taking my pills for? Why are you asking me for shit I don't want to give you?" and etc.

8 comments:

Madness (JAA) said...

So he's still having a hard time resisting the urge to put himself under -- to be knocked out instead of just asleep. Pretty usual early recovery junky stuff. Sorry, J.
Yes, addicts fucking suck, but we're so fucking cute when we're sucking, aren't we?
Peace, my grl,
Scout

Mary P Jones (MPJ) said...

Argh! G!

I can't think straight in the morning either -- ask me again at night. ;)

Addicted 2 my addict said...

idk what to say...i understand you were 1/2 a sleep and not thinking clearly but idk i wouldnt have given him one. To me if your in recovery you should not be taking any pills unless they are prescribed by a doctor.They are yours, dont give him anymore! whatsa matter with you woman! am i gunna have to take a trip to...wherever you live..

Gypsy said...

He was insensitive to take something that you soooo desperately need yourself...For someone going thru recovery and withdrawals, 10 hour sleep is pretty fuckin good, I would be grateful for 1 hour sleep at a time...He's a lucky bastard to sleep 10 hours. And still want more, he's greedy and still taking advantage of you. Sorry you're going thru unnecessary bullshit

ej. said...

Is he actually sleeping at night? Or up all night doing shit, and then burnt out come morning. It's not uncommon for an addict to switch drugs to a drug other than DOC. I have done it many times, just for some kind of "high." I dunno, just another angle?

sKILLz said...

Thats kinda of fucked up. Here he had already slept a good amout of time and the nhe has the balls to ask for another sleeping pills knowing that they mean alot to you because of financial situations?! Then he does it on the sneak tip while your still groggy? Thats just wrong in my eyes!

CindyB1 said...

Did he go to work that day? After a sleeping pill I would be shocked if he did. I am groggy as hell when I wake up too. Sorry this happened.

Hugs!

laurie said...

What was he doing taking a sleeping pill at 7 when he had told you he needed to be up at 6 for work?
No wonder you were angry and frustrated.