"The 12 Steps : A Way Out is a personal guide to understanding the spiritual power of the Twelve Steps. This material is primarily for adults whose childhoods were negatively affected by a less-than-nurturing environment. This environment often resulted when the adults responsible for care were influenced by substance abuse, emotional problems, or compulsive behaviors. The Twelve Steps offer a way to grow beyond the harmful effects of a troubled environment."I got my book today for the 12 step writing workshop my Nar-Anon group is beginning. I've been excited about it, and I read and finished the first chapter today. Perhaps it's the annoying head space I'm in, but it really made me kind of crazy, especially those few lines above. It made me think that this book is going to push me to delve into some stuff that I'm not up to delving into.
I don't know what to think about that.
I got home tonight, and the dogs had totally fucked the house up. They'd pulled stuff out and torn stuff and made a giant fucking mess. He was helping the neighbor with some yard work. I was hungry, as I didn't have anything to eat at work today, as (guess what?!) I'm broke. I was eager to eat, so I ignored the mess in the house and went to the kitchen to cook some cabbage. I reached for a knife, and there wasn't one in the knife block. I looked in the sink, and there wasn't one there. There wasn't one in the dish drainer. There were no knives, anywhere.
I crumbled into a huge puddle on the floor. I just wanted something to eat. I just want my stuff to be where it belongs. I want to know where my eight steak knives and three butcher knives are. I want help. I don't want to be hungry like that...that frustrating hunger that's about money...soup kitchen hungry. I don't want the dogs to make a mess. I want the world to handle me with kid gloves until I can figure out what I'm doing.