Tuesday, August 14, 2007

My Raw, Read Heart.

I cross my heart and hope to die.

It's one of those days when all I want is to go home and hide under the covers. Sometimes, it feels like we've been in survival mode for far too long.

Wait...we've been in survival mode for far too long.

Panic is becoming my baseline emotion. It's not safe, anywhere. There's no one to trust, and I feel like I have to hide everything, everywhere I go, from everyone. I'd like to go away, or get rescued and taken away, but I can't.

I've got bills.

And sometimes, I really feel the world shrinking. I could take a pin from the inside of my mind and just barely pierce the surface, and all of this would dissappear. I want my mental real estate back. I need to do some evicting.

I went to check out a few martial arts schools. At one, they only spoke Spanish and only taught kids. At another, they aren't open for a week. I'll check it out next week. There's a third that I'm going to drop by either tonight or tomorrow. I need to bust someone's ass, or I'm afraid I'll get lost in these emotional badlands.

7 comments:

Recovery Discovery said...

You DO get to go away, for a couple hours anyway, and with ME!! Hang in there, friend. See ya in an hour.

P.S. Anyone who wants to send virtual hugs to JW, I'll be happy to deliver them. We're having dinner tonite. YAY!

Recovery Discovery said...

You DO get to go away, for a couple hours anyway, and with ME!! Hang in there, friend. See ya in an hour.

P.S. Anyone who wants to send virtual hugs to JW, I'll be happy to deliver them. We're having dinner tonite. YAY!

Recovery Discovery said...

You DO get to go away, for a couple hours anyway, and with ME!! Hang in there, friend. See ya in an hour.

P.S. Anyone who wants to send virtual hugs to JW, I'll be happy to deliver them. We're having dinner tonite. YAY!

longvowels said...

Check out the Roller Derby girl again. You get a cool name like Beyonslay!!!!

Ej. said...

Nothing to say other than I support you, you're my friend. I hate it when people hurt.

NurseNettie said...

I don't have much to say, except, I hate that feeling too. I'm happy I haven't had to experience it in a long while, but it sucks to think you have to. I hope you find a martial arts school that you can attend- it will do you a world of good, I'm sure :)

just another addict said...

First of all I am so fucking jealous that you and RD get to have dinner and then go to a meeting and be all, like, real friends and shit. (Green eyed monster popping out here) :-)
Second of all, I HATE it when you are hurting! It makes me want to get all mushy and give you long hugs and just hold your sweet head for awhile. I could be a good Mom to you, for real, for real.
I hope your time with RD helped some....I am thinking of you.

Peace,
Scout

Now get my damn wake up post together!