Wednesday, August 29, 2007


"What you think about that?" he says, with a gun in the air, coming in from outside.

I think I don't like that at all. Where did that come from?

I always had it.

That's not true. Where did it come from? Why don't you sell it?

That was last night.

Today, he called me at work, scared and urgent:

I've got to tell you something.

So in the time before Nar-Anon, before I learned that I didn't have to, I paid a debt for him. I'd hoped that by paying the debt, I'd get the scary dealers out of my life, out of his life, and we could move on. I didn't know that I'd be opening up a new line of credit for him.

He told me he owed the dealers $380, and they were threatening him. I paid it. Two weeks later, he told me today, he got in debt to them again to the tune of $220. He's been gradually paying it off by tattooing people. Apparently, there has been some transfer of power amongst the people he owes, and the new asshole in charge came by MY HOUSE today to threaten him. He owes $85 still. The dealer showed him a gun. He wanted me to know, he says, because he has to pay them, and he's scared, and he's trying to come up with the money, but he knows that if he has money that he's suddenly giving away to dealers, I'll freak.

So I guess now I'm not supposed to freak? I'm not supposed to be upset that someone is threatening the love of my life with a gun? I'm not supposed to care that said love of my life has allowed heroin dealers with guns to know where we live? I'm not supposed to be worried that I'm associated with this madman, that my safety has been compromised?

The dealers wanted to take my cell phone, which he has today, as collateral. He didn't let them. I have an idea that he should pawn the gun he had in the house last night. Let's get all the guns gone.

I'm scared to go home.


Anonymous said...

Bullshit addict drama. The gun he has should have been plenty to settle a debt of $85. He should have given the dealer the gun. All this sounds a little "strange" but I dont want to dismiss your feelings. That really sucks, and is probably another reason why he should go somewhere for a while.

CindyB1 said...

Damn Girl, you need a break! All this heroin debt and drama and fear, is NOT good for you. I agree with ej, he needs to go somewhere to "cool off" and take that BS with him and off of you. Does he have family he could stay with for a week or so? It would be helpful to you both help get the head on straight and determine what path you want to take.


Anonymous said...

I agree with ej on the "strange" part. But let me say this -- nothing is going to happen to him over $85 -- that's just pure bullshit, bullshit, bullshit.
No drug dealer is gonna shoot someone for chump change, babe, and anything less than G's is chump change. Especially if they are Mexican (I dont know if he's into tar heroin or not), they're not gonna shoot him.
Make him give up his fucking gun and dont give him shit, girl. That way, if it's bullshit it's him that loses his stuff and if it's not bullshit, he's paid off.
Stay out of this game. It's addict crap. And you don't have to be scared to go home.
I love you, JW,

NurseNettie said...

That, for me, would be the last of what I would put up with. Nobody comes to my house and threatens anyone. And anyone who is the cause of such a threat, or the reason behind it would have to go until the threat is gone.. I don't blame you for being scared. I would not want to go either, but if it were me, he wouldn't be there anymore after this one.

Ingrid said...

That's scary. I am sorry you're going through that.

My uncle was a heroin addict. My grandfather sent him away to rehab. His dealer threatened my grandpa because he took away the cash cow. Fucking dealers.

Chris said...

I'm sorry you are going thru this now. It's always something else isn't it? Sorry, but I would have to call bull**** on this one. The gun and the cause for worry would have to go. That gun would more than cover the debt,but let me guess, it's hot and he can't pawn it, right? Been there.

Anonymous said...

Oh, ya -- call your sponsor, sweet girl.
Don't be afraid to go to your own home.
I'll be thinking of you,

Mantramine said...

Man, this sucks.

I don't think you have to be scared, but I find myself hoping that you would want to get off the rollercoaster, for a break. Some how... if he could leave, or however you want to work it. If need be, don't think of it as forever, but I think he's crossing one of those "ive had enough" lines.

What do you think? this is some crazy bullshit.

Mary P Jones (MPJ) said...

That sucks -- fucking sucks! It's terrifying and infuriating and suffocating... Damn. No words of wisdom, just hugs. Love you!

longvowels said...

Fuck!I read your post felt crazy then read ej's answer and thought "oh yeah that makes sense."
So I agree with ej. He should give the gun to the dealer. You don't have 85 dollars so you can't give it to him!
It would be great for him to go somewhere for a while but I don't want you there alone. I don't know what's worse having him there or having him gone.

sKILLz said...

Dam yo wtf? Let me say Im sorry that this is happening but this is all part of "the game". The game that hes playing and hard!
I never let people know where I lived or rested my head for simple things like this.
Of course there are other ways of findind someone. When your a junkie you tend to stay around the same places and faces ya dig?

He should sell the gun, or give it to the dealer, im sure the dealer would like to get his hands on that. A gun is just as good as money sometimes better because dealers look at it as having another form or power.
Also let me say that I dont think he should even have a gun. A addict and a gun just doesnt fuckin mix well. Everytime I had my hands on one something always seemed to go wrong. Very wrong.

You shouldnt be afraid to go home. Your home is your castle and your safe haven. Im sorry that this is happening but have you even talked about a detox or a methadone progrma or Suboxone (sp?) or something like that?
Whatever the case, Im here for you!

serenitynowdammit said...

Take a deep breath. Don't try to sort out what is, what isn't and what's going to happen next. Chances are your brain will make things much worse than they are. Don't believe all of what he tells you. They will make up unbelievable stories to manipulate, explain unexplainable things and make you scared FOR THEM. Don't be. Take care of yourself. If you feel you're in danger, call a friend and leave. Otherwise, let his crap go. Breathe. The more he gets you stirred up about what might happen to him, the more you don't focus on you. Tell him it's his mess and he has to handle it. Climb out of that hole!

thejunkyswife said...

But if I send him away, then it's just me against the dealers. It's Scylla and Charybdis.

Wayward Son said...

Do not give dealers guns, especially if there is even an idea of a threat hanging about. I recommend that you dispose of the gun in a legally traceable way. Guns do bad things. If it is your gun doing a bad thing then your connected—morally and legally. This is a big deal.

CindyB1 said...

Do you really think the dealers would come after YOU? YOU don't owe them anything. If he would go to his parents for a week or so, I really think it would give you time to heal and get your head on straight. This is over the top and you have to have an over the top reaction. Maybe then, he will realize you will not take anything he dishes out. That he will have to keep his behavior in check. Like the rest of us.