So the last time my husband was acting up with the silverware, he got us in a whole world of trouble. I keep finding knives, everywhere. There is one on the back of the toilet, and one by the bed, and one on the mantle, and one under the stairs.
Because I'm crazy, I am now Googling "knives drugs" and "knives drug paraphernalia" and asking him, frantically jokingly, "How are you using the knives to get high? Do you have enemies I don' t know about?"
So if any of you know of any interesting ways my husband could be using our cutlery to get high, please let me know.
There's no stains on the knives. I'm pretty sure he'd hide them if he were really using them for drugs, and we do have tin foil, and I've seen him construct a lovely pipe from tin foil once before to smoke pot.
I think he is just very, very strange.
Tonight, while out at dinner with him and one of my real-time BFFs, he said that he hid knives everywhere because of our peeping tom. Alone, he told me that he thought our house was haunted. I guess he's going to chop up the ghost with our steak knives.
How many times do I have to tell him, "Don't come between a Southern woman and her flatware!"
Heroin or no heroin, peeping tom or no peeping tom, brain-crazed zombie or no brain-crazed zombie, let's leave my lovely spoons and knives out of it! I can live with a madman, but not if it interferes with my cultural rite of collecting flatware!