So here's my plan, for my devoted blog followers. I'm not leaving my husband. I found the needles in February. It's been 3 months, and I'm not going to leave him yet. If he doesn't get a job soon, if things don't get better, I will leave. I'm not going to let him ruin my life.
If he relapses again, I'm going to set a new boundary in our relationship. In order for us to remain together, he's going to have to go to meetings or therapy or in some way make a commitment to getting better.
He's trying. He fucks up a lot, and I write about it here. I don't write as much about the moments of real sweetness between us. I'm pretty self-reflective, both by nature and because of the program I'm working, so I'm aware that leaving him is a possibility, I'm aware that he's selfish, addicted, broken, and in need of a lot of work. I'm aware that this relationship, if I choose to stay in it, is going to drain me for a long time. I've been loving this man for the last decade, however, and I'm not throwing in the towel until I give it a good, fair shake. I'm not giving up until my heart tells me it's time.
I'll land on my feet. I've always taken care of myself, and I've always come out ok.