Monday, April 2, 2007

I am tired.


I let him take the car today. We'll see if it was a mistake soon enough. I think he's with his junky friend playing video games. I hope he's been nice to the dog. I hope we don't have to fight.

We were up very late last night, and then we were up again early. He helped his annoying friend go to the methadone clinic, which is the guy who he's playing video games with now. I have gotten used to sleeping really luxuriously lately...that's been one good thing that's come of all this...him finally sleeping like a normal person. For the last several weeks of his active addiction, he'd sleep for a few hours and then be up for a few hours. I'd never be able to sleep properly because I'd always wake up and feel for him or roll over to where he should be, and he'd be gone, and I'd go find him and sleep next to him on the couch if he was watching television. The combined forces of my anxiety meds and detachment have helped me learn to be able to sleep through anything...and, he's sleeping more regularly, or at least staying put. He insists that he's not sleeping well, but I think he's actually sleeping better than he was before.

I wish I had some really useful information to post in this blog. I wish I could track news stories or offer really useful wisdom. I'm not sure what my purpose is, here...and I guess it doesn't matter since I seem to be the only person reading my experiences. I guess, ideally, I'd like to generate some discussion, and I'd like to offer my experiences with my husband's addiction to folks who are going through their own relationship crises. I'd also love to have feedback from others who've been through it.

2 comments:

Tatess said...

I am reading it now, and its great......You are very talented.

Christa L. Emerson, Attorney at Law said...

I know you no longer blog on this site, but I have to tell you, I am relieved to find that I am not alone in my feelings. I only recently found out my husband was addicted to heroin and has been for quite some time. I've experienced nearly every single emotion you have expressed, from the first entry to the last (which I actually read first). Thank you