Tuesday, March 27, 2007
I found this forum, and it was interesting for me. I was most excited about the lively discussion on detachment in the forum for families and friends of narcotics abusers. Several people have lists of what they do to detach with love, and I thought it was helpful for thinking about my own situation. It made me set these three things down for myself:
1. I will not lie to hide his using or to cover for the ramifications of his using.
2. I will not give him any money under any circumstances.
3. I will not let him use my car under any circumstances.
Setting these things down in writing is helpful in that it is clear. I have reasoned through why all three of these resolutions/boundaries are important to me, and I've set them up as commitments to myself.
Like everything else I am learning about being the wife of an addict, establishing these kinds of boundaries simultaneously fill me with the utmost hope and the utmost despair...I am glad to find ways that I can learn to live with this man who I love so very much. I am terrified that I am going to adjust my life and my needs until I can live with this man who I love very much NO MATTER WHAT HE DOES TO ME. The idea of leaving him is unbearable, but the idea of continuing to live like this for years and years is equally unbearable. I hate the thought that seven years from now, like the lady I respect so much at the Nar-Anon meetings, I could still STILL STILL be dealing with the same shit. It's so scary...