Tuesday, March 17, 2009


My husband.


Last night, he performed a long soliloquy about his mother and all her flaws as an addict. She blames other people for her problems. She is unhappy but isn't willing to take the steps to make herself happy. She refuses to see the extent to which her addiction has torn her life apart. She refuses to change. He wishes she would change. She works a bullshit program. She doesn't connect with God right. She should stop going to AA meetings because it isn't really for her. She already has the spirit of God in her, and so AA has nothing to offer her. She needs to go to jail. She doesn't understand the consequences of her behavior. She's selfish. She's ungrateful. She doesn't appreciate how hard his father works to support their family. She isn't like other addicts. She's exactly like other addicts.

These speeches are hard to hear.

It makes me wonder, though, if he is serving as a mirror for me. When I am judging my husband for behavior that seems outrageous, I wonder if it's not sometimes a twist on behavior that I sometimes see in myself?