Tuesday, October 21, 2008

Homeless Homeowner

All the ups and downs around my house lately have sent me backwards a bit. I'm avoiding my home again. It gets awkward, floating around from coffee shop to coffee shop trying to find a place to work without feeling weird. I've been to three places today.

The magic of working from home was that I was hoping to be able to work from home. Instead, I travel around like a migrant with my laptop, avoiding the house, the mess, and the man who lives there.

I don't want to keep trying anymore with my husband. I'm going to need to see a miracle in the next few days to change my mind about what's been happening. In the week since he's forced his way back into my home, he's smoked pot in the house and disrupted my sleep twice with great big, abusive hissy fits. Everything that I've said would be a deal-breaker, he's barreled right through. I was talking to a friend about him earlier this week, and she asked, "Is he that arrogant or that stupid?"

I'm not sure which, and I'm not sure it matters. It's going to be painful to extricate him from my life, and especially from my house, but I'm not seeing another way to live. I want to be able to go home.