Thursday, August 14, 2008


and you are so lame
you always disappoint me
it's kind of like our running joke
but it's really not funny
and i just want you to live up to
the image of you i create
i see you and i'm so unsatisfied
i see you and i dilate
-Ani DiFranco

It was meeting night tonight, and I was trying not to be excited to go to the meeting with Mr. Junky. I have been trying not to remember last week's meeting and how proud I was of him.

I talked to him this morning and told him I'd be home to pick him up for the meeting after work, and he told me he didn't think he'd be able to go. He thought he might be working somewhere, doing a project with his mother for a few bucks, but that if he made it home, he'd go to the meeting.

I tried really hard not to react at all, internally or externally.

He got home shortly after me. I was getting ready to go to the meeting, and I asked him if he'd be coming with me. He said, "I think instead of going to meetings, I'm just going to go to church a lot. I feel like that's where I need to put my energy."

I've heard this speech before, about church. It's the speech he says right before he starts unwinding. It's the speech that comes right after a big breakthrough in the direction of recovery and right before a new crisis starts unfolding.

I'm trying really hard not to care. Maybe he'll go to church a lot. Maybe he'll find some peace there. That would be nice for him.