Today, I'm mad at my life. I'm mad at all the circumstances that brought me here and now. I know it's not how I'm supposed to do it. I'm supposed to be grateful. I'm supposed to believe that a higher power has brought me here, lovingly, to teach me something important, something that's going to help me. Not only am I supposed to have this faith, I know deep down that it's my only hope. The only way I'm going to get through what's coming next is to have faith that I'm going to be ok.I am not so sure that I'm going to be ok, though, and I'm not having an easy time trusting that this is all for a reason, that it isn't some kind of vast, endless, meaningless mess. A vortex of nothing, despair and ennui and absolute discontent. I'm angry, oh I'm angry. I'm angry at every person who played a role in getting me to the place where I am. I'm angry at every fucking handmaid in this tragedy. I don't want to be the character that I am anymore. I want a trap door, a deus ex machina. I want out. I want peace. I'm so afraid.
I have a feeling that before the end of this day, I will quite literally be brought to my knees.
Art by Scorsone/Dreuding
