Friday, April 18, 2008


"Anger is just a cowardly extension of sadness. It's a lot easier to be angry at someone than to tell them you're hurt."
-Tom Gates

I'm having a pissed off week. Little, tiny things are getting to me...things that normally I can let go of. The dishes in the sink. Traffic. The dirty floor. My husband's excessive cologne.

I don't want my mind to be consumed with these things. I feel like I'm backsliding in my personal growth, like I'm losing track of myself, of the moment. I am clinging to small things, clinging to anger and resentment. I know why I'm doing it, too. I'm afraid. I'm afraid that if I stop being mad, that a well of sadness will open up that is so bottomless I might drown. I'm afraid to go an inch below the surface because of the fear and pain that's waiting there. I don't want to go through it. I want to skim across the top.

I should be enjoying every moment I have left with my husband, but I'm not. I'm angry all the time. I'm angry and tired. I am not seeking help. I'm breaking all my own rules.

Photo Credit: Ebbern