Saturday, October 6, 2007

An Article.

I stumbled this article about the incidence of heroin-related overdoses tonight, and it's been keeping me from sleeping. There's not much to it that is particularly immediately relevant, but all the talk of heroin addicted males in their late twenties or early thirties dying and dying and dying is making my head spin.

I love my heroin addicted male in his late twenties. He's a pain in my ass, but I love him. I want him with me, always. I don't want to lose him to the ground, to the indignities of a young and wasteful death. Reading these statistics gets me all unstitched.

And I don't want that anger, that albatross. I don't want any more unwieldy emotions. I want him, by my side until we're 99 years old. I want children and grandchildren and to laugh with him when he's an old man and I'm an old woman. I want the happiness that seemed to be ripening when we got married, that first flush of love and hope and something so beautiful that it had to be true.

11 comments:

DirtyBitchSociety said...

That's not too much to ask for. I hope it sees fruition.

SUGARTHEGIRL said...

Wow! I just saw the name of your blog in the Blog Chicks roll and decided to click on it. I thought it was going to be something about the wife of a junk man! I feel so silly even trying to comment because I can't possibly know what you're going through, but I just wanted to say that I hope you will find peace.

www.sugarnspice.typepad.com

Mary P Jones (MPJ) said...

I love reading your writing about Mr. Junky. You know, even if you don't make it to 99 together, your love will be no less real, no less true, no less beautiful.

Mary P Jones (MPJ) said...

Ok, I'm feeling both inarticulate and insecure this morning. I meant my last comment to be all "your love is forever beautiful" and not all "your junky husband may shoot up at any minute and die with heroin pouring from every orifice." But I'm not sure that came across the way I wanted. Sigh!

ScOuT said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Stepbackjack said...

I hate feelings like this. It sucks to be afraid. Sometimes it is scary not knowing what you are afraid of. The only peace I have found is actually putting something from AA into my repetiore (sp, I know I suck). At any rate, Live for Today. It is a horrible thing for Codies to get but once we do we are thankful. I am thankful that for today he is here and I am here and you are here and so is G. Today is the only day we can e/affect. I hate this saying, Don't worry, be happy because it goes against my natural grain but if I find myself worked up I try to do it. Try being the key word there.

Inmatez Wife said...

Damn. Statistics suck. Heroin sucks. Addiction sucks.
How sad. How sad that we will lose so many lives to this, that we live in fear of the phone ringing to tell us another loved one is gone. So many lives changed forever, over fucking heroin!!

woman.anonymous7 said...

I have no words of comfort to offer. I can only say that I am here, with these others who read and write to you. That even in the moments when powerlessness looms large and you must face the fact that you have control over nothing but yourself, you are not alone.

Ev Nucci said...

Just beautifully said!

ej. said...

For my Sarah, such beauty.

Died 10.12.02 of an overdose
24 years old

5 years, and it still breaks my heart a lil everyday.

2ala2 said...

If you want children he better get his ass into recovery. Addiction is a progressive disease. Give it time and you won't have anything.
Sorry but this is reality. Heroin ruined my life!