Sunday, September 16, 2007

Warm Glow.

"You have a right to experiment with your life. You will make mistakes. And they are right, too."

-Anais Nin

After our 12 Step Writing Workshop yesterday, I was all worked up, all stirred up. I have built a particular kind of life for myself, and right now, it looks like I might have taken some really wrong turns. It's hard.

It's hard, hard, hard.

And at the same time, it's unspeakably beautiful. Almost every day, there's at least a few minutes when I am overwhelmed by absolute despair. And almost every day, there are a few moments when I am so completely sure that I am exactly where I'm supposed to be.

A guy I knew in grad school wrote a piece and said, "If I were going to fail, I wanted to fail spectacularly." I thought it was pretty funny, and pretty apt for the way I'd chosen to live. As I get older, I wonder if choosing to do everything the way that was harder, if more true, might not have been a mistake.

Today, it's not a mistake.

2 comments:

Wayward Son said...

"Almost every day, there's at least a few minutes when I am overwhelmed by absolute despair. And almost every day, there are a few moments when I am so completely sure that I am exactly where I'm supposed to be."

I feel the same and have been searching for these very words. It's like a game of ping pong and I'm not comfortable on either side of the table.

Madness (JAA) said...

I hope in time you will come to see that the harder way is not a mistake, J. You are here for a purpose and that harder way you take is giving you the experience to help someone else through the very. same. thing.

And that's your purpose....

Just one junky's view --


MADNESS!