Sometimes, I'm so happy that I can't even speak.
(Ten minutes later, I'm a nervous wreck.)
I couldn't sleep last night. I was fretting about work stuff and home stuff and family stuff and just stuff in general, and I was tossing and turning and fretting and grumbling and cursing and getting in and out of bed. He got up and sat with me, held me. He was wonderful. He's been being wonderful. We've been wonderful together. We woke up together and had all these plans for the day that are brilliant and exactly what I would want if I were planning. And it's not me being bossy...it's him, planning, changing, trying...and yet I feel sick.
And I'm struggling to enjoy it. All this wonderful husband stuff is scaring me. I'm skeptical and scared and wary and all in his business in a way I haven't been for a long time. Letting my guard down is terrifying.
We've got a meeting tonight. It's good. I bet I'll feel better after the meeting.
I just want so much to enjoy this good time. I don't want to be skeptical or scared. It's hard to take each day as it comes. I'd gotten better at taking each day as a new day and dealing with all the things that emerged when things were going so badly...I am having a hard time savoring the sweetness.