Tuesday, August 21, 2007

Crying Like Thunder.

I couldn't find my glasses this morning, which resulted in me sitting on the floor, sobbing from the deepest place inside my guts...big, deep, desperate crying from way down underneath my heart, from way down below my stomach, from asshole and toenails and fingers and arms and all my veins and capillaries and my hair and my heels, just crying and crying.

Mostly, I wanted to be able to leave home. The longer I couldn't find my glasses, the longer I had to stay there with him. I don't like it at home, and I don't like him. And I'd think, "I don't like it at home, and I don't like him," and then I'd double over, crying, more.

Fuck.

I'm wondering what's next for me? I'm wondering when I'm going to let my guard down again, and when it's going to feel safe again. I'm wondering if I'm done with this yet.

8 comments:

Anam_Kihaku said...

fuck.

*hugs*

longvowels said...

cry as much as you need to. just cry.

Mantramine said...

When it's time to go, the tears almost turn to tears of relief. While they are sad, they feel so good. I did leave once- we were apart for 8 months. I loved him 'more better' during that time.

It's good to cry. If only our addicts would. I wish you a good cry, and then a million miles of blissful sleep.**

Question said...

maybe you're done.

Stagnant Artist said...

that was beautiful mantra. JW, you can come up here, crash and get away. Take TKD, get your anger out. Cry and hug my dog. He let's you cry on him all the time. He's great for that.

Madness (JAA) said...

keep crying.
Love,
Scout

Shifra said...

:(

Mary P Jones (MPJ) said...

Oh, those days when you are so raw that the tiniest things suck you into that hole of despair... Hugs and love from me. The tears won't last forever.