I couldn't find my glasses this morning, which resulted in me sitting on the floor, sobbing from the deepest place inside my guts...big, deep, desperate crying from way down underneath my heart, from way down below my stomach, from asshole and toenails and fingers and arms and all my veins and capillaries and my hair and my heels, just crying and crying.
Mostly, I wanted to be able to leave home. The longer I couldn't find my glasses, the longer I had to stay there with him. I don't like it at home, and I don't like him. And I'd think, "I don't like it at home, and I don't like him," and then I'd double over, crying, more.
I'm wondering what's next for me? I'm wondering when I'm going to let my guard down again, and when it's going to feel safe again. I'm wondering if I'm done with this yet.