Monday, August 13, 2007

As If We're Going To Die.

Sometimes, I think all this pain and urgency makes our lives so much more beautiful.

Each night, we go to sleep wrapped in each other's arms. We sleep like people want to sleep, like the way you try to sleep with your lover, but it's just so uncomfortable that you eventually roll over and spread out your legs.

Not us. We sleep like we're going to die together, like we're choosing the position we want to be frozen in for all time. There is all this gazing and sighing and face-touching. It's really nice, and really scary, and always feels as if we're about to be set on fire, or as if a volcano might erupt and we'll be melted still, like those people in Pompeii.

Or as if he might live in a way that makes death our constant companion. As if death, death, death might be the drum beat, beat, beating in the background of our lives.

I don't like it, but I love it. I want every moment to be captured from the precipice, every kiss to be a treasure. I don't want to live any other way.

9 comments:

Wayward Son said...

Eventually the universe will make us all savor every moment.

I bet when you are 99 years old your great, great grandchildren will come over and ask why you and great, great grandpa sleep in twin beds. Then you can think back to the wonderful time you didn't and still be wondrously happy the two of you have lived to see such a day. Then you can make them fall into hysterical laughter by showing them all the tattoos on your old, wrinkled great, great grandma skin That will be another moment to savor, no!

sKILLz said...

I hear ya girl!
In the beginning me and my girl used to sleep like that all the time.
Our bed just broke recently and I sleep on the couch and she sleeps on her twin bed.
I miss being able to hold her at night, stare in to her eyes and just caress my fingers wherever they might go.

longvowels said...

yes, but part of that might be because y'all got the crazy Stray on the loose. not to mention all the other crazy folks you know trying to get you two. and you love each other.

just another addict said...

This is how we sleep as well.
It's a beautiful thing.
Peace.

Stagnant Artist said...

first off, that picture is amazing...... you can actually see the love in their eyes.... or lack of. It is amazing. Hell, i sleep on the edge of my bed away from JF. don't touch me or confine me.... i guess we never got into a groove of that. i want that sleep. i love the idea of dying together....in an embrace that lasts forever

just another addict said...

Where is my wake up? J-Wife -- you are my new wake up, damnit and there's no morning post here.
Hell-o!
What are you trying to do to me?
Peace,
Scout

Jenn said...

Wow. Thats so beauutiful. I want to cuddle like that with my husband, but he gets too hot and pushes me away. I am so jealous of that. Wow. You are one lucky woman to get lovin like that!

Ej. said...

Death as motivation for life is a powerful concept. Mortality, can be a beautiful thing, knowing when our time is up. What if we had the capacity to live each moment like it was our last? Mortality is over rated. I want the freedom to speak to people as if it were my last chance to speak to them. Spend each moment with my children, like it is the last moment. Sleep with my lover, like it is our last sleep, kiss like it's our last kiss, love like it's our last love. Why can't we live this way, I understand our brains aren't wired that way, but, what if you knew the exact moment of your death? When would you start living life differently, the last month, the last 6, the last year? Why wait?

Recovering Wino said...

I'm envious of the sleeping position