Monday, August 27, 2007

600th Birthday, and Observing The Natives.

This is my 600th blog post. It took 600 blog posts to get my husband to go to a meeting. I wonder if it will take 600 more to get him to go again?

And here's more about that meeting, as it's been on my mind all night. I was just giggling to myself because I kind of feel like I went there with this stance of a stuffy tourist observing the wild, restless natives. Mostly, my impression of the meeting was positive...there were some people there who were really honest, strong, and earnest in wanting to help others. I liked all the talk about keeping the doors open to other people and how the newcomers are the most important people there. There was a lot of hugging. There was a good energy in the room.

But there was a part of me that wanted to say, "This is all wrong! Sit down! Be quiet! Turn off your phones! Good God don't pass the basket around this room! Junkies steal! Read louder! Don't talk out of turn!"

And there was this other detached, journalistic part of me that was already composing my post about it before I even left. I couldn't wait to get home and call Vowels and tell her all about it. I couldn't wait to get online and write about it. I kind of want to talk about it at my meeting--raise it as a burning issue:

"I've been spying! I went to THEIR meeting! It's an emergency! They do it wrong over there! We need to go fix their meetings and help them out! They're never going to get fixed if they keep talking out of turn like that!"

And then we could all march across the hall and show them how it's done.

Silly natives! Here's how you build a fire! Here's how you cook your meat! Here's how you pray and love and dress and live!

I also laughed at the thought of that wonderful cat in a wizard suit, and how I could fix them all if I'd just unveil the wonderful, glowing poonahnah of victory that I had hidden away under my MPJ-inspired hippy skirt. It looks something like this, but with a wizard hat:


Recovering Wino said...

Just wondering why you are going to his meetings? I know it's for support (and I am not trying to give you a hard time (you know I'm a friend)..just challenging you) but meetings are a good place to get personal garbage off your chest. I have gone to one or two with my husband to "show him" what it's like, but I really need that time in the meeting for me to heal....

Mary P Jones (MPJ) said...

600 posts! Kick ass!

And hooray for hippie skirts and fixing addicts!

thejunkyswife said...

I'm going because he asked me to and because it's important to me that he go. I haven't broken it to him that I'm not going to be sitting with him forever or even really asked him what purpose I'm serving him by sitting there.

And really, I don't have to ask him why he wants me there because I already know what purpose I'm serving. Like a nervous child, he can hand me the plasticated pieces of paper to read or look at me to talk if someone approaches him with a question. It makes it my thing, too, and creates those lovely entanglements addicts like to make.

My plan is to go with him until he's gotten comfortable with a meeting. I'm hoping that the meeting on Tuesday will be a little smaller than the one we went to yesterday and that he might talk to someone, and then I'll be off the hook. Either that, or I'll find a meeting with Al-anon, and then I'll venture over there to figure out what they do wrong (again with the natives), and I'll be off the hook.

I have a lot of mixed feelings about going with him, even at the beginning. It feels like we're setting up a promise for him to break and getting me all invested in something that he's going to blow off. But that's really my bull shit that I'll have to deal with, and if it gets him to go, I'd dress up like a clown and juggle the whole time. I'd go to the fucking meetings naked. I'd fellate him through the whole damn thing...


And finally, it was interesting, and I'd always meant to check out NA or AA. I'd never been to a meeting for the "other" team, so it was good to see what it was like.

Inmatez Wife said...

I love starting the morning off with a giggle, and this post did it. LOL, thank you so much.
I can relate to you going, I went with mine when he got out of his last rehab (a month b4 going to prison). I was glad I went, and so was he. That, I guess, is what we do, us wives. When we decide to stay--to stick around for the show--we do what we have to do for them. We took vows, we meant them, we try our hardest to help. In my case, and this is just mine, it was not a help. He spoke only when he thought I wanted him too. He became "program Joe" for me. The show was great, it fooled me 100%. BUT, I would do it again in a heartbeat. You do what YOU feel you need to do, it is your life, you know him better than anyone.
I love your thoughts, showing them how it is done! That is classic. I really enjoyed reading that.

Anonymous said...

Ya, girl, we are messy and we talk a lot and we fuck around with our phones and sometimes people DO steal out of the basket. Oh, and hugging is our thing -- we are huggers.....
Yup, we are an imperfect mess all over the world. And it's funny and it's annoying, but you get used to it. And we actually get some recovery done in those damn meetings. LOL! I don't know how in the hell we do it but we do. It used to drive me nuts and got my ADD going like mad. Now it's just a sweet part of my life.
I'm glad you went with him. It's SO hard to go to a meeting alone! Encourage him to talk to some people or to let other sknow he is new and then people will come to him, so he doesn't have to reach so far out of his comfort zone. Someone will come to him and help him along. Then you can go back to your meetings -- where all you codie people go and have nice, clean, perfect meetings with no phones and side talking and walking around. lol. I know how you guys are! ;-)
I'm glad he went. I'm glad you supported him.
I'm glad you are you.

Anonymous said...

What do you get when you put a bunch of people with addictions in one room? No it’s not the lead of some bad joke, it’s just a fact of life; some NA meetings have this hectic disorder to them, after all we are dealing with a room full of people that are there because they don’t really know how to life on life’s terms, right?

I have been to a lot of meetings, some like you described, some that sound more like the meetings you attend (those were mostly the AA meetings). But I think you will find that after you stop noticing all the differences between your meetings and ours that you will start to see the similarities. I know this is a cliché, a common anecdote, but it’s true. It’s kind of funny as well. I think you’re experience in AA will be slightly different. I will have to wait till Tuesday to know for sure.

Mainly I wanted to congratulate you, 600 posts is awesome. Also I peeked at your site stats, wow, now wonder you obsess over that. You have a lot of people the come to your visit. I always used to think that, back in my days of sobriety, that if I could help just one person, save just one person from going the depths that I had gone, then it would have made my entire life worth while.

Look how many people you have helped in the span of 600 posts. You may not have fixed or helped the most important one to you, (yet), but you have helped a lot of others. You are doing great work! I will always be grateful.

longvowels said...

Congrats on the 600, dang you like to write. Now you know how I feel when I go skiing, or camping or get a tattoo, I'm spying!

Eventually he'll get comforatble with going to the meetings. I'm just happy he's going. We need to write Oprah a thank you note.

Wayward Son said...

They always say at these meetings to keep coming back until you get a miracle. And there are lots of miracles to be had.

I am thinking that if one were to follow "the rules" you probably should not be going to meetings with him. Down the road, it may present another kind of problem to deal with. But there probably would not be a down the road if you did not go with him. And I am sure the two of you can deal with the problem down the road when you need to. I think it will be about letting go of something you both need to learn how to let go of so you both can thrive. And wouldn't that be a miracle?


Wayward Son said...

... also. One of the most powerful shares I have heard to date was from a guy who was introduced to us at the meeting by his wife. It's not the same situation as you and g at all. But this is something they do together now and for themselves as well as everyone else.

Mantramine said...

Wow, 600th birthday. You are my blog idol- but you knew that. Out of the blue it seems like we both got a breath of fresh air. That's good, it's nice.

Cheers to you- and not a salutation cheers- a real one.

love, love, love.