Monday, July 23, 2007

You Should Pay Rent In My Mind.

I think I need some time in my hammock. We got massages, and I feel like all the relaxing I got from the massage is gone, already. I'm one big knot of anxiety.

We were talking about death and all its strangeness at work. Another coworker's father died a few months ago, and we were talking about all the ways it affects you. I never met my coworker's father, and I only met my other coworker's wife once. Yet all this death has made me so anxious. I was saying I feel almost guilty that my feelings are wrong...instead of feeling sad or worried for Mike, I am anxious, as if my emotions have decided to make this situation my problem, somehow. My boss pointed out, though, that it's a reminder of how fleeting life is, and while part of that makes us recognize that we should really embrace the ones we love, it also makes us feel scared, anxious, nervous.

I wish there could be a meeting tonight. I could use some serenity. There's one in another town, but it's kind of far. I don't think I can make it, and I think I'll probably get lost if I try to make it. I need to go tomorrow night. Something doesn't feel right.


jungle jane said...

Gut feeling is so awesome. What a shame most of us - myself included - tend to ignore it....

Christine said...

hope you listened to you and got to a meeting

death any death can give me pause

what a gift life is

Mantramine said...


hope your feeling a bit better.

This too shall pass.

Breath deep, roller coasters goin down.... scream like you mean it.

my thoughts are with you.

longvowels said...

Make him some chicken or something later. Right now he's going to be up to his neck in people. Wait a couple of weeks when everyone gone, that's when he's gonna need it.