I think I need some time in my hammock. We got massages, and I feel like all the relaxing I got from the massage is gone, already. I'm one big knot of anxiety.
We were talking about death and all its strangeness at work. Another coworker's father died a few months ago, and we were talking about all the ways it affects you. I never met my coworker's father, and I only met my other coworker's wife once. Yet all this death has made me so anxious. I was saying I feel almost guilty that my feelings are wrong...instead of feeling sad or worried for Mike, I am anxious, as if my emotions have decided to make this situation my problem, somehow. My boss pointed out, though, that it's a reminder of how fleeting life is, and while part of that makes us recognize that we should really embrace the ones we love, it also makes us feel scared, anxious, nervous.
I wish there could be a meeting tonight. I could use some serenity. There's one in another town, but it's kind of far. I don't think I can make it, and I think I'll probably get lost if I try to make it. I need to go tomorrow night. Something doesn't feel right.