Saturday, June 30, 2007

Smut.

Oh, Oh, Oh I've still got 20 more smutty ads to write before I reach my goal of 100. I'm spent. My mind is utterly fried. I'm completely out of synonyms. I decided it was time to blog because I can't use the phrases "no strings attached," "likes to please and be pleased," or "party girl" another time without puking in my mouth a little (oops, I just puked in my mouth a little).

It's like the stuff is infecting my mind. I keep getting this weird, self-righteous feeling in my stomach while I'm writing them, as if I were really placing the ads myself. Many of them at this point have phrases in them like, "If you think you can really handle a no-strings-attached relationship," as if I've tried to establish ever so many no strings attached arrangements with various men throughout my life, and they've all been unable to handle the rigors of the discretion and lack of attachment that I need. I think I feel this way because I've written so many ads, and part of my head believes that each ad was a failed attempt at finding a new lover.

My mind should know, however, that I'm not really a No Strings Attached kind of girl. Learning to detach has been one of the most difficult and most useful skills I've ever attempted to master.

Maybe I will be a No Strings Attached hoochie now! I'll be No Strings-Detached. "MWF ISO No-Strings-Detached relationship with tragically sexy man, artsy types and addicts preferred, particular penchant for dark hair and blue eyes."

I am also concerned that my penchant for using words like "penchant" has made my ads singularly un-sexy. Which perhaps will be a good thing, as I'll get paid this time either way and I don' t know if I can do this again, but which might be a bad thing if I'd ever like to do the gig again, and no matter how smutty I feel now, it's a pretty easy $100.

Oh man. Back to it!

6 comments:

Wayward Son said...

Who has sex with strings anyway?

WS

Area Woman said...

Where do you sign up such exciting work opportunities? I myself am both dirty and creative.
-jw

E. said...

lol, love the ad! do you make exception for eye color, and would this be a paying gig?

you should have used a sentence generator, threw in the words and had the ads auto generated. let me know if you do it again, ill write you a script that will do it for you.

Recovering Wino said...

If you are looking for ideas, go to the Craigslist personals...I can't believe how many men are on their looking to hook up (with pictures of their "endowments" to boot) It's good for a laugh, at least.

(Not that I think you should be doing this, mind you..:))

longvowels said...

ho

Mary P Jones (MPJ) said...

That stuff infects you. I used to enjoy the occasional smut myself, but these days it makes me sad and sick...