I forgot to mention that he only took 8 of the 20 Vicodin he had yesterday. Yay for myself for staying out of his business! Yay for him for not acting like a total junky ass! Yay!
It is still sometimes shocking to me the things that make me proud of him. He told the truth! He didn't snort all his pain medication! He didn't shoot up! He went to work, sort of! Good job! Good boy!
I called his mother to tell her about going to the emergency room and his hand, and immediately sort of regretted it. It was good to talk to her, but she couldn't stop herself from asking what medication he got. And then I couldn't help myself from thinking that she wanted some of his pills when she said that she was going to come see him.
They really are a pair when they get together...freakin' wonder twins.
She seemed to be doing well, though. She's got a sponsor, and she says she's doing a lot of reading, a lot of praying, and talking to her sponsor a lot. That's a big step, and I think it's probably a good sign that she's not seeing my husband a lot. They are a mess when they get together. Someone should really make a documentary, or do a psychological study. I've never known a mother-son pair with a weirder relationship.
All these strange-ass people in my life have made me lose the ability to be shocked. Oh, she tried to kill herself? Wow. Some cops are dead? Too bad. A killer shot up a college campus? Neat. I don't like that inner callousness--but I can't help it. Nothing gets me excited or worked up, except the fear of relapses.
His hand is better. That's good. He's still being pretty whiny, though.
We went and ate milk shakes from Cookout. I had a Snickers one. I'm getting fat.
I'm weaning off the sleeping/anxiety medication, though, and taking a much lower dose to go to sleep. Hopefully I'll get back to my normal eating habits after I stop with the medication. I also need to start exercising. I don't want to start exercising. I know it will help me in all kinds of ways. I've always been happier when I'm being really physical. I haven't been this sedentary in years.
It's just seemed important to focus on my head for a little while, though.
2 comments:
Thanks for visiting my blog and leading me to you! I look forward to reading.
I can really relate to not feeling anything except fear of the next relapse. When my son is at my house, I follow him around and watch his every move and I scrutinize his appearance. Its a sad way to live. I wish you peace.
~kel
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