Thursday, April 26, 2007

Flat.

Today I'm feeling rather flat. I'm not sure why. I don't want to work. I don't want to go home. I don't want to blog. I don't want to think.

I do want a milk shake.

We went out and had Mexican food and a milk shake last night. It was nice, I guess. We still are doing the thing where we try to avoid talking to each other too much, or too deeply. It's nice, in a lot of ways, but it's making me feel rather shallow, or empty.

Or maybe I'm just feeling shallow and empty on my own, separate from our relationship. I am getting upset about how he isn't working. His finger is better. He should be going to work. He was talking about going to his parents' house for Friday night, and I suggested he stay there on Saturday night since Sunday is his day off. He said that he's not going back to work until Tuesday. This means it will be another 2 or 3 weeks befor ehe's earning money.

His mother is coming to visit him today. He said he might go stay with her. I hope he does. I would like a night at home without him.

I cleaned the house so much all weekend, and it's a wreck now. Whenever he stays home, the house gets so destroyed. It's depressing. He has been talking about doing dishes for several weeks. There is a giant stack of dishes...almost everything is dirty. His finger is hurt, so he can't really do them. I don't want to do them, though, because I didn't make them. I wash my dishes as I use them.

He is also eating and eating and eating everything. He eats so wildly, and then he complains when there isn't any food in the house. I buy enough groceries that we should have had enough for the week if he'd eat with some moderation. I'm not saying go hungry...just don't eat 5 meals at once. Don't eat all the cheese on one sandwich. Don't invite your friends over and feed them.

We have such different ideas about money, and it's hard because right now the money is all mine. For so long, the help has only flowed one way. I can't even imagine taking help from him.

He's such a tremendous drain on all my resources...emotional, financial, physical. I'm getting nothing out of this relationship right now, and it's exhausting to keep putting it back in. I'm tired of paying for his mistakes.

I guess I do have a lot to say, huh...

1 comment:

Curly Mommy said...

I'm sorry that things suck. I'm glad you are making steps to change that.