Wednesday, April 25, 2007

I Need A Good Meeting

I had my first bad experience with the Sober Recovery forum. Or it wasn't exactly bad...I just didn't find the kind of help that I usually find there. I guess all forums and groups that are made up of people commenting on other people's situations and problems are going to end up getting kind of yucky sometimes...and it's still certainly better than that Craigslist mess.

I posted about the cellulitis situation, and I really looked forward to getting some insight into a question I had about whether or not my obsessing over how it is heroin related and my adamant stance that my husband MUST recognize that the infection was heroin related might be crossing into territory I shouldn't venture into. I wanted to know their thoughts on whether or not I should stop trying to make my husband see through all his addict's denial and realize that he'd in a lot of pain because he used...I wanted to know if they thought I should back off, and stop trying to force him to see something that he isn't ready to see.

Instead of answering that question, folks either told me that he is definitely using more than he's admitting to me and then criticized me for not telling the doctor or nurse that he is an addict and that he should get non-narcotic pain medication.

Trust me, I thought about tattling to the doctor about his addiction. It felt like it was his issue, though, and that I'd be sticking my hands right into his bucket of shit by getting involved. I'm learning to value my shit-less hands quite a bit, so I didn't. I went outside after watching the morphine shot and called Jeni. We talked through it. She told me about this book that sounds amazing. I cried a little, but by the time we got off the phone, I was laughing, and he was leaving the emergency room. I got out of the situation and let him handle it as much as I could.

It felt right to me. Or it felt as right as anything could feel in that situation.

I'm just disappointed, especially because tonight's meeting was a speaker, and I really, really felt like I needed to talk about the emergency room visit in a meeting context, and I'd begun to rely on that forum as a kind of substitute.

Ahh well. I posted again tonight asking for a redirection of the advice, so I'll see if it gets better or if it turns into a flame session. Should be interesting!

1 comment:

- Czo said...

I don't think it would have been a good idea for you to get directly involved with the doctor against his will. You don't want to be his mother. He doesn't want that either.
At least, that would be my guess.
As for the importance of recognizing the cellulitis being drug related. Well, sure, it could be. It could be totally random shit too. It does happen to people who don't use. I shot a lot of dope...lots and lots of dope...and coke...and other things on occasion, and I never got anything like that, sure, an occasional swollen irritated patch from missing a shot or something, but nothing like that. I don't think you can be so sure it is from using, although it certainly could be. But to a junky, I doubt it matters much. Sure, it may cause pain, but it also takes pain away (using). There are no doubt much worse consequences that he continues to use (at least on occasion) in the face of. Such as, ruining your relationship, going to jail, overdose, withdrawals, etc. So honestly I think this whole admitting/recognizing is your thing. And the importance/significance it has to you, that you place upon it, doesn't mean it has that to him, even if he recognized it, I don't think it would have the meaning for him that you want him to get out of that recognition. I'd say choose your battles. This one will be symbolic at best, methinks. Wow, so nice to avoid my problems by thinking about someone else's.