Wednesday, March 25, 2009

What Happened?

I am still kind of amazed at how I lost my temper with my husband yesterday, and I'm trying to figure out how I slipped. I think there are a few things. Money is a big, big trigger for me, and it was a situation where I felt like he was being foolish with money that could have gone to bills. Also, I'd just checked out my finances and seen that I'm in a big old bind right now, and I am not expecting to be paid again until the 15th of next month. I was afraid, and to see him lackadaisically spending money made me furious.

But I don't understand what lead me to blow up so carelessly. I am generally really careful at keeping my tongue in line, and I said something really hurtful to my husband. Also, I set myself up for him to say hurtful things back to me, and I created a situation where I didn't get my needs met because he was too hurt and angry to be able to hear what was really going on.

I don't know why I slipped. I am a little obsessed with it.

In the end, though, it's been a good recovery for us. We had a good night after talking through it at marriage counseling, and it's a big deal for us to be able to get to the other side of a big fight without enduring hurt. I know, though, that there will be residual hurt on both of our parts for a while, and we don't need it in our relationship. There's enough residual hurt.

Why am I not perfect yet?