Monday, September 22, 2008


What have I become?
My sweetest friend
Everyone I know
Goes away in the end
You could have it all
My empire of dirt
I will let you down
I will make you hurt

I asked my husband for a break today. I'm not even sure what it means, a break. He's staying with family for a few days so we can both figure some things out.

I'm hurting. I miss him. I want to go get him and bring him home. I want him to stay far away. I know how infuriating it is for your lover to be in this place, as he's been here a lot: come closer...stay away...leave me alone...never leave me. I want my husband home, but I don't want this disease.

Many things have been going well between us lately, but the weed smoking is really triggering for me. I'm afraid for him, and I'm afraid for me.

I hope both of us get some clarity from this time apart. I want two things in my life today: clarity and peace. I'm going to pray.