I've been given a wonderful gift recently. I get to work from home. I've always wanted to be the writer with the work-at-home gig...and now, except for a few hours a week when I have to go out...I can do everything here, at home, on my laptop.
I've been home since Friday night. I left the house briefly Saturday for a meeting, and yesterday, I went to yoga in the evening.
I've got to get the fuck away from here, and away from him. He sucks me dry just by being. I mean, he sucks me dry in obvious ways, by being a leach on my life...but it saps my emotional energy to be around him too long.
I need to carve out a space for myself in this house where I can get away from him and his goddamned suckiness, but he takes up all the air in the room, in the house. He is a black hole.
I love him. I want to be close to him. When I'm around him, I want to be near him. When I'm near him, his misery gets all over me, and I can't get out from underneath him.
I'd like to be able to take advantage of my new work-from-home capabilities, but I think I'm going to be frequenting coffee shops all over my town to escape his dark cloud.
I just want to be normal. I want to be able to love my husband without all this accompanying pain and fear and anger.
Art by Freya