Tuesday, July 1, 2008


One of my jobs is causing me some grief. I am excited to have something to obsess about that isn't my husband. Isn't that insane?

I find, however, that even when I'm obsessing about something that isn't my husband, I'm still inadvertently obsessing about my husband. I'm an expert at obsessing about him. The problem at my work involves a few issues that allow me to obsess about my husband vicariously. For instance, people expect me to think for them instead of finding information for themselves. I'm in situations where I'm expected to be more responsible than is my fair share. These situations remind me of home.

There are also moments when some of the folks I'm around at this job are irrational and angry. Irrational and angry is quite familiar to me. Irrational and angry people make me feel kind of like I have razor burn on the inside...like I have razor burn on the inside, and someone is drenching it with alcohol. My insides are rather irritated. If you could see my insides, the parts where I keep my emotions, it would be really red and festery.

I'm not doing a good job of using my tools presently. It's been a while since my step group met, and I'm not able to get to as many meetings as I used to make. I can't go to yoga as much as I like to go. I'm not sleeping enough. I'm not praying enough. I'm tired and hungry and angry all the time. I can feel all the effects of these slips, but there's not a damn thing I can do about it until one of these jobs lets up.