Tuesday, July 22, 2008

2 Choices.

I have two choices. Both choices stink.

Choice 1: Stay with my husband. Stay with my husband, exactly like he is, today. The man who he is today is unemployed. When he has money that he could contribute to our household, he chooses to spend it on selfish things instead. He thinks that it's my job to take care of him.

But in his best moments, he's sorry for this behavior. In his best moments, he's a wonderful man.

Choice 2: Leave my husband. I'd leave all the garbage, all the lying, the manipulation, the selfishness...I'd leave my rage and resentment for his expectation that I'm going to take care of him. All my money would be mine. My house would be mine. I'd be able to worry about nothing except for myself, only clean up my own messes, actual and metaphorical.

I'd lose the man I love. I'd lose the wonderful moments.

I don't like it. I don't like it at all. I want more choices. I don't like it that it's live with him like this and be happy about it or leave him and be happy about it. I don't lieke it that there's no happiness in either scenario...it's all these halves.

My life has been even more like a country music song than usual lately. I wish I had the energy to write it all out.