Wednesday, March 26, 2008

Still here.

Still tired. I bet I'll have a post again one day soon. Stay tuned.

Oh, let me I have anything to say? I guess I have a little...

Sometimes, I realize that my husband does stupid stuff not only because he's an addict. The addict realization was so elegant (did everyone read MPJ on Spitzer?) that it makes me forget that there are other ways that he can do things wrong. My father always used to drive my mother crazy when he'd attempt to help her clean the house. He'd do a bunch of actions, and he'd accomplish some things, but it's almost as if he had a blind spot when it came to understanding the difference between a dirty floor and a clean floor. He'd push the broom around for the same amount of time as someone who was actually cleaning, but he'd just kind of stir the dirt all over the floor. Nothing would actually get any cleaner.

My husband does the same stuff. He meant to be helping me clean this weekend, and I kept getting really frustrated with him because nothing was getting cleaner. He was doing stuff, but nothing seemed to be done. My first instinct when his behavior frustrates me is to think of it in terms of his disease: he's acting like an addict. He's not doing what he said he'd do.

But as I was cleaning behind him today, re-cleaning what he'd already made motions of cleaning, I thought of my father pushing the dirt around the floor with the broom. Maybe it's not that he didn't do what he said he's going to do. Maybe he thinks he did do what he said. Maybe he's just kind of a dumb boy, doing the best he can and making something of a mess of it.