Friday, March 28, 2008

Fuck Everything.

Yep. Fuck everything. I need a new job, a new husband, a new car, a new house, a new wardrobe, a new body, a new mind, a new past, a new present, a new future, a new mother, a new father, a new me, a new birthday, a new God, a new passion, a new vision.

I need more time. More pleasure. More money. More friends. More sex. More sleep. More food. More gas for my car. I need to go to the doctor. I need to be able to go to the doctor when I need to go to the doctor. I need stability. Security. Serenity.

I want cake. I want love. I want a kitten. I want to be left alone. I want to be understood. I want to be recognized. I want to matter. I want what I contribute to matter. I want to count. I want a voice. I want privacy. Peace.

I want a long, hot bath, and I want to cry in the bath tub. I want enough water. I want somebody to pay my water bill. I want some new shoes. I want to go on vacation. I want to see something wonderful. I want to see. I want to feel. I want to feel like myself again. I want everything to be ok. I want everything to be like I thought it would be. I want ease and delight. I want happiness and enough.

Photo Credit: Copy Me Happy

13 comments:

Jade said...

I want to give you a hug.

serenitynowdammit said...

You've had a rough week! I truly hope that you're feeling better when you wake up this morning and you got all the yuck out of your system. If not, send momma home & call me. We'll run away for the day.

Recovery Discovery said...

Looks like you need your own fucking Hallmark Card!! I miss you. Reading diet is officially over. I'm gonna read back now.

Wayward Son said...

If you know what you want, your half way there, no? Declaring it, even closer.

I could be wrong but it seems as though I am reading frustration here but, surprisingly, not anger. That, my friend, is the definition of progress to me.

bottlecappie said...

God, it had to feel good to get that out.

Seems like you're already moving in the direction of all the things you want. Sucks that it takes so long though.

And for what it's worth, your voice does matter.

~e~ said...

I want you get what you want ~ especially the cake and the kitten :)

Giant cyber hugs to you my CFBFF!!

pentupentropy said...

You'll know things have gotten worse if you don't wake up tomorrow. If life is so bad, just walk away from it. There is absolutely nothing that can't be done. If you think it's too extreme to escape a life you hate, you should think about the fact that maybe you're in your situation because it's time to change the way you think.

davka said...

I really love your blog. I just found it tonight and I'm learning so much. Thanks and keep writing! Every little bit is interesting and needs to be said.

Misery Marketing said...

Im so inspired to do my own fuck/want list. BTW you know the FEAR (Fuck Everything And Run) acronym right. You're halfway there. One thing I do know is that if I leave this junkie of mine it will be allot easier since we dont have kids together. Im only staying now because I want to stay. Because I have hope. No sense of guilt or obligation. Mines only put me through the ringer a few times. It wont be a few more I promise you that.

Stagnant Artist said...

Yeah FUCK EVERYTHING! Let's run away like Dean and Sal across the country many times and live in the moment and not worry about who we run over and hurt. We will just keep moving so we forget who we were and keep starting new..... Mexico? We still need our CF vacation

Mantramine said...

I didn't realize you opened comments for this one. Look how excited everyone is to be able to speak to you....

I enjoyed your fuck fest- those are my favorite kind of fests

Catherine said...

What a great thing to do - I go through this in my head but have never written it all down - it must be liberating! Cat

abbiegrrl said...

Yes, a "fuck-fest" wow! It's been too long for me. You did it up real good, too.