Tuesday, January 22, 2008


“In wise love each defines the secret self of the other, and refusing to believe in the mere daily self, creates a mirror where the lover or the beloved sees an image to copy in daily life; for love also creates the Mask.”
-William Butler Yeats

One of the things I first loved about my husband was how well we complemented one another...how similar and how different we are, and how much sense we made together. We're both creative, but in different ways, both creatively intelligent, exuberant, sometimes dramatic, sometimes odd. I loved the juxtapositions and overlaps in our personalities, and I loved the way I thought of myself with him, the way I thought of him with me.

I realized recently that we are once again in a kind of perfect synchronicity. He is not ready to give up his vices, and I'm not ready to give up mine. I get frustrated because me giving up what makes me weak means that our marriage ends; him giving up what makes him week means that his life, and our life together, begins again. I get frustrated because I'm only in charge of my part of it, and even though it makes so much more sense for him to JUST CHANGE, I have no vote in his choices.

We're at this awful hingepoint in our lives together, and one of us will make the leap, eventually, and change will happen. I don't know if I have much more time.