Tuesday, September 4, 2007

Busy.

I've been busy with stuff.

It's fun not to write here. I'm writing secret emails and Cuntface stuff. That's nice.

It's nice not to feel that awful compulsion to write here. While processing my stuff has been wonderful and will continue to be wonderful, it's good for me not to have that awful, endless need.

The best thing about having this site and having you guys reading and responding is that when I'm in the midst of a crisis (for instance, when there is a drunken loon threatening to kick in my beautiful, hard-earned door), I start planning my post. The whole experience feels less wretched and fruitless and embarrassing because I have this space for it...this purpose. I could hardly wait for the cop to leave the other day so that I could come back inside and write my stuff, and then I spent much of the rest of the day checking for your comments on my stuff.

No matter how settled I feel, though, I want to commit to writing here at least once a day. It's good for me as a writer to be a part of this community and to have a place to spill my guts. It's also important for me to remember that I am a junky's wife. It doesn't matter if he's got 3 months, 6 months, 12 months clean...if he's going to meetings every day for the rest of forever...I am a junky's wife. My husband is a drug addict. He is. He always will be. Writing here holds me accountable to that fact, and keeps me connected with my own recovery.

9 comments:

Mary P Jones (MPJ) said...

I just like to make sure I'm getting my fix of you on all fronts -- Junky's Wife, Cuntface, e-mail. I know what you mean about the writing though -- both that knowing the blog is there helps with processing in the moment and how having and audience and making a commitment to write keeps you connected and accountable and writing...

sKILLz said...

I understand how you feel. Once I started my blog I feel compeled to keep it updated. I know yours is a lil different from mine but Im glad you keep posting!

Stagnant Artist said...

I know the feeling. knowing people are reading what you are writing. People from all over the world. it's amazing. It's nice to get those responses too. but i do the same thing myself. Sometimes i stick with the cuntface stuff and others my blog. but either way, i do feel like i have cleansed.

sKILLz said...

I didnt know that you had other blogs. I love the way you write, I personally think its something you should look into seriously and maybe a class or something. You do write really well, not just blowing smoke up your ass. Im still trying to catch up on all your stuff here, Im not working anymore unfortunately so I will have plenty of time now to read all your 600+ posts. Thank you for sharing your life.
GYPSY (Skillz Wife)

The Discovering Alcoholic said...

I have been kind of scarce lately myself. Work has kicked up a notch and sometimes it is refreshing to take a break away from the addiction 24/7 of recovery bloggers. I have been keeping my site updated nightly, but my comments have tapered off on other blogs temporarily.

Chloe said...

And if you keep tending to your post and going to your meetings like a good junky's wife, I heard, after we've been there for an undisclosed amount of time, we get little tiara's for our hoo-has!
(May want to wear a skirt).

Mantramine said...

The dramatics of a writer. One day, while in the depths of heroin dispair, I was crying soooo deeply, but at the same time- I was orgainzing how I was going to blog it all.

fucking halarious! imaloser!

socwork101 said...

How can i get a look at the Cuntface stuff? I'm an avid reader. In fact, I read every day. I guess I've become obsessed. I work in the Substance Abuse field -as a social worker. Your posts have been very helpful with my line of work; however, now I don't come to junkyswife for work, I come here b/c it's part of my day.

Despite the fact that I often feel a pain in my stomach for what you are going through, I must admit that I can't stop thinking that your blog serves as relief from my daily trials and tribulations.

Thank you.

Oh, how do I get to Cuntface?

Mary L

longvowels said...

hmmm...