My husband still acts like a drug addict!
I wonder how long it will take before this stops shocking me?
We've had a few really great days between the two of us, even with the mess of the Stray acting a fool. He's been almost normal-seeming...loving, tender and interested in looking towards the future, becoming a better man, a better husband. We've had moments over the last few months where he seemed to "get it," but never this sustained level of sanity over a period of several days. It seem(s)ed like real growth.
And I'm trying to keep my expectations in check...so he went to two meetings, and even participated in one...that doesn't make him "fixed," much as I might like to indicate that he's fixed with my post labels. I know this...
Today, however, was supposed to be his first day at work. He slept all crazy, up and down, up and down. We woke up this morning, and he went to check his email, and he screams, "FUCK!" He'd gotten a notice that the shop wouldn't be open today, and he should come in tomorrow.
Suddenly, he switched gears and became all emotional and clingy and needy of my stuff and wanting me to change my plans for the day and weird and pissy and addicty.
I'm wondering if that's going to be his default, baseline emotion for times of stress (and even mild stress...he can start the job tomorrow) forever? Or will it get better, if he keeps up the meetings regularly and keeps trying to grow...maybe he will nip that shit in the bud. The whole look on his face changes...and it makes me respond really badly, too. I go into "NO" mode...no matter what he has to say, when he looks and acts like that, I say, "NO! NO! NO!" and I go into another room. I hide upstairs. I ignore him and fume.
I guess I'm answering my own question...and already, he's resolved the problem of having nothing to do today by calling a friend to ask him to come pick him up, and he's acting satisfied.
Sometimes, writing here is like processing for me...I don't know why you folks read it...it's kind of awful writing, or at least really different writing from what I think of as good writing. The process is all apparent. It's often unedited. I begin in one space, and I end in another, and I work it out as I go. It's like looking inside a head, which isn't like looking at good writing.