Friday, August 31, 2007
So, the Mexican heroin dealers are paid. It involved me staring out the window, watching, freaking out, thinking that someone was going to cut his throat, thinking he was buying drugs and lying, sobbing, yelling, blah blah blah.
But then, he came to me, and he said that he's sorry that we're still dealing with all this, and that it's over, now, or at least it's as over as he can make it be for now.
That was the end of the junky shit. Let's get ready for that meeting.
And so we got in the car and went to the meeting. It was kind of a rough meeting, as a lot of people who I care about very much are having a rough time, and I'd been having a rough time...but it was good to get it all out and see everyone and hug folks and laugh a little. The meeting was over, and I figured he'd be hiding by the car, pouting...but when I got outside, he was standing there, talking to folks. He asked if I wanted to go get some food with a few other people.
That was a good meeting. So you go to the one on Tuesday and Thursday? You want to go to the one next Tuesday?
I can't explain how happy this little development has made me. He was in a meeting, by himself, and he participated. He liked it. He saw how it would help him. He felt like he was in the right place.
We went out with a few folks after and had pizza.
On the way home, he said he doesn't know what's changed. He'd been to that same meeting before, but he said it was different before. He'd said that it made him think about doing drugs, but it's been long enough since he's been doing drugs now that he can get past the talk of drugs. The first meeting he'd been to, also, there'd been a lot of newcomers, and a lot of folks in real pain, crying and hurting. At that point, he couldn't do it. Now he can.
Isn't that wonderful?
We went home and watched my very last episode of my very favorite tv show, and we talked and made out like we'd just met. We stayed up all night, sleeping a little, fucking a little, talking a little, laughing a little. It's like I haven't seen my husband in weeks, and now, he's here.
I think some of the shadiness and evasiveness that's been driving me crazy for a while has been his attempts to hide the fact that he was still paying off a huge relapse debt. All the times that he's had money and not told me make sense now...and this huge change in him has something to do with the hope he found in that meeting last night and with that debt being gone.
So I know, all this could fall apart tomorrow. But today is full of sweetness and hope.
OH, and I almost forgot, he's going to work on Monday.