Parasites And Strays.

Or strays with parasites.

My husband takes in stray people. I think he is lonely for guy friends, and especially for guy friends who are bigger fuck-ups than he is in that they don't have wives to boss them around and pay for things.

For the last two days, one of his friends has been staying at the house. The kid is 30 and still lives with his parents. He's a drunk. One of the times that he stayed with us, he pissed all over the kitchen, just like my ex-husband used to do. I like to call that alcoholic hobby "piss-walking," a tragic Frankensteinian hybrid of sleep walking and pissing.

There are very few things that can make me as furious as piss walking. The ex used to do it at least once a week during bad periods, and he had this knack for finding my things to piss on. After we got married, he pissed on the dress I wore to our rehearsal dinner. One summer he stood over a trunk full of my winter clothes and pissed and pissed and pissed. He'd wake up the next day and swear he hadn't done it. Once, when I tried to get him to stop pissing in the laundry hamper, he pulled his arm back to punch me. Fortunately, since he was so drunk and slow, it was easy to dodge his punch.

God, the ex is on my mind lately. He's not what I meant to be posting about.

But this kid won't leave, and it's sad. I want him to leave. He's just the type of stray that I adopt as well...he's really smart and sweet and interesting, and also really insecure and sometimes aggressive when he's drinking. Because he still lives with his parents and his parents live in Waxhaw, which is pretty far out of town, he's always looking for somewhere to hang out. We let him stay with us, so he'll come and stay forever.

He'll act as if he's leaving for hours and hours, but he won't really leave. He'll walk around, stand by the door, pack up his things, and then never leave. He'll start saying things like, "My eyes are going bad! If I drive now, my eyes will start crossing! I won't be able to see!" And, I'll feel bad kicking him out because he's drunk, and I'll feel like an ass if he gets arrested or in a wreck (It's not my bucket of shit. It's not my bucket of shit. It's not my bucket of shit...this is becoming my mantra.)

So I've just told him that I'd like it if he left because I want him to leave. I want my house quiet, mine, private, clean, sober.

I feel like it's a step.

I also am shuddering a little at my observation that my husband takes in strays in order to feel better about himself. I do it, too. My husband is a stray.

I should have spent more time alone in my life.