"Consider how hard it is to change yourself, and you'll understand what little chance you have in trying to change others."
Changing is hard. We had a stupid interaction last night. He'd made a big deal about how he'd clean the carpet (goddamn this carpet. It's causing all this strife in our marriage.). He'd "promised" that he'd clean the floor and get the dog piss stains up. I asked him, please, not to promise, because then I wouldn't be upset when he didn't do it. He then proceeded to make this big ass deal about how that was the point...he was going to promise so that he could follow through and show me that he could.
Of course, he didn't. I got home, and I cleaned the floor myself. I'm tired of cleaning the floor. It was hurtful, but, as I'd told him, only because he'd "promised." I am learning that when he says, "I PROMISE," it is pretty much equivalent to saying, "I HAVE NO INTENTION OF DOING THIS."
Because of our recent fight where he informed me that I'm not allowed to be upset anymore, and that I have to be "cheerier," I kept all of this inside. I wasn't overly warm, but I didn't say anything. He kept asking me what was wrong, and I kept saying, "Nothing. I'm fine." Finally, after the third time he asked, I responded, "I thought I wasn't allowed to be anything except fine." This pissed him off.
I'm finding all of this to be really unfair and frustrating. I'm willing to play by his rules. I'll pretend that things are ok when they're not, knowing in my heart that I will leave him once it gets to be more than I'm able to handle. It's unfortunate that it's got to be that way, but it's how he wants it. It isn't fair for him to keep pushing me, though.