Who knows.

I don't know what to do with myself. We have a houseguest, and we will for over a week at least, and there are more coming. I don't know how I'm going to hold myself together and be reasonable in front of people. I have to be somewhat reasonable, though, because I'm involved in a business deal that has brought all these folks to town. An artist who I respect very much has given me a great opportunity to handle the business end of a seminar he's directing, and he's staying with us sa well as some of the people who are attending the seminar.

So I have to be reasonable and presentable and something like sane.

Tonight at the meeting, one thing that I found helpful to take away was the idea that I don't have to do anything right now. I don't have to make a decision. I don't have to have a fight. I don't have to care. I can go to bed, read something that makes me feel better, and let all this shit go.

I got a haircut. That made me feel good. I went to the mall, and the only salon that was open was a black salon. It was awesome. The lady who cut my hair had a shaved head. I knew she wouldn't have the problem the last person who cut my hair had where she wouldn't believe me when I told her I wanted it short. Short. SHORT.

I don't know what it is about me that wants to cut off all my hair when the men in my life are pissing me off. I think it's the same instinct that makes me eat and eat and eat. I'm rejecting femininity. I'm building a giant wall of a body to make men leave me alone.

No more husbands.

Goddamn it no more husbands.