Monday, March 19, 2007

I Hate My Husband

Right now, I hate him so deeply I can feel it in my toes. I can feel my hatred for him stinging in my cheekbones. I hate the knots in my stomach. I hate his constant lying. I hate that every time I venture to look at his phone bill, he has called his dealer at least 100 times. I hate his face. I hate his goddamned eyes and his goddamned hair and this whole stupid goddamned life.

Just this morning, I loved him every bit as much as I'm hating him now. I buried my face in his armpit and breathed deep. I laughed and put my arms around him. I looked into his eyes and felt warm and happy.

I should not have let him keep my car. It fills me with spectacular resentment. Oh I hate him. Now he is calling me to tell me he can't open the gas cap on my truck, which means that he has used up all of my gas, and also means that he is at least 20 minutes away from being here to pick me up. I do not want to be at work for another 20 minutes. This feeling of entrapment and frustration would be foreign for him, however, since he hasn't been to work in over a month now.
I do not want to be at work anymore. Oh my god I hate him.

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